Friends like these
by Janine Adams

My friends are very important to me-as I'm sure yours are to you. I've always been judicious about who I would pin the label of "friend" on. Never wanting to step over a line, I've always been quick to use the term "acquaintance" when in doubt.

A friend is someone I'd invite over for dinner or a drink, or someone who'd really want to know if my father were seriously ill. A friend is someone I'd call when I need a personal favor-and someone I wouldn't think twice about granting a favor to. A true friend is someone I'll actually let into the house if they stop by (that is, someone I'm not too embarrassed to show my housekeeping skills to).

An acquaintance is someone who remembers my name when I run into them or I've met once or twice through a mutual friend. If an acquaintance asks me, "How are you?" I reply with nothing more than "Fine."

Now the Internet has come along and thrown a wrench into my tidy definitions. Through email, Internet mailing lists, chat room, and communities like those on ThePoop.com, we can actually become bonafide friends with people we've never met. Whenever I mention one of these friends to my husband, I feel a little twinge, like maybe it's not legitimate to call someone I've never met a friend. But friends they are and friends they remain, regardless of whether we've had a face-to-face, or even telephone, interaction.

I belong to a number of internet mailing lists, but my most beloved is one called canine-l. It's a discussion group for people who are nuts about their dogs and who would rather sit at their computer and read (often) more than a hundred messages a day about dog-related topics than converse with a loved one face to face. (You can learn more about canine-l at http://lists1.cac.psu.edu/archives/canine-l.html.) Canine-l is where I originally met Joanne Borek, head honcho of ThePoop.com.

This group feels like family to me-you probably have communities like that yourself-and whenever I get the chance to meet canine-l subscriber in person, I jump on it. I hit the jackpot at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show last month. Eight of us from canine-l were there and we arranged to meet above Ring 3 at 11:30 a.m. on Monday.

Of this group, I was the only one who lived in New York City. There were folks from New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Iowa, Nevada and Maryland there. The dog breeds represented ran the gamut from Rottweilers to tiny Papillons and everything in between, including Samoyeds, Greyhounds, a yellow lab, my standard poodles, and a little poodle mix.

It's hard to describe the experience of meeting for the first time someone you already consider a friend. There's a simultaneous familiarity and strangeness. Part of that comes from the fact that my mental image of someone-usually influenced by the breed of dog they have, as well as the personality that comes through in their writing-rarely matches reality. When I met my friend Ann Daugherty, a canine-l person from Nevada, at Westminster, she said, "I'm Ann." I almost blurted out, "No, you're not!" My mental image was that far off.

But every time I meet a canine-l friend, once I get past the shock of how they look, we immediately settle into a comfortable discussion about ourselves, our dogs, and other mutual friends we may or may not have met in person. At Westminster, we sat high in the stands and chatted away, occasionally commenting on the dogs in the ring below. It was the highlight of the show for me.

Incidentally, my concept of friendship extends to dogs. I have dogs in my life whom I consider friends. Some are Internet dog friends I feel I know, since I've read so much about them. But others are flesh-and-blood relationships. Of course, my relationship with my own dogs, Kramer and Scout, is deeper than a friendship. But I have a real connection with certain dogs, usually those who belong to human friends of mine. I don't mind buying a dog's affections with treats. There are any number of dogs in the park who recognize me as an easy source for a handout. But some like me for me-and that thrills me beyond belief (or, perhaps, reason).

One dog, in particular, a beautiful English Setter named Luka, visibly brightens when he sees me from a distance at the park and makes a beeline, at full speed, right to me. At first, it was just about treats. I realize that. But I believe that we've moved beyond mere treats to a real friendship. As he runs toward me, he gives me a special grimace, with front teeth bared, that his mom, Amy, assures me is reserved only for his favorite people.

Shebah, a German Shepherd who belongs to my friend Mary Jane, is a very fearful dog. But I'm one of the few people she's not afraid of and her greeting always feels very special. I feel so privileged that I can look at her and pet her without causing her any distress.

Kramer and Scout have some favorite people outside our family. I try not to be jealous when they greet these folks more warmly than they greet me. But these people, particularly our friend Sally, as well as Shebah's mom Mary Jane, are an important part of their lives. Clearly seeing them turns an ordinary day into a special one for my poodles. And isn't that what friends are for?

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